My soul is lost
somewhere in a corner
while my body lies frozen

I drift into nothingness
avoiding all sensation
as the betrayal goes on

A void filled mass
moves on commmand
with no choice of my own

Don't remember how it starts
Don't remember when it ends
Only remember the emptiness

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Don't get too close to me
I'm infected , I'm a disease,
for your own sanity
keep away from me please .

Scorched Earth and shadows silently mix ,
ashes , apocalypse awaken a phoenix !
Happiness doesn't have to have an expiry date ,
nothings written , embrace hope and undo fate .

My mind is a battlefield ,
there is no cover ,
I erupt from cocoon-like rags .

My smile is my shield ,
my happiness is my armour ,
laughter and joy are my flags .

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It doesn't matter how hard I run ,
the pain always overtakes me .
Succumb to the inevitable darkness ,
surrounds with an all too familiar coldness .
Turned the other cheek 'til I'm bent over backwards ,
fought countless wars to be tossed aside with cowards .
The monster resides in my refection ,
I didn't cross that line into damnation .
It doesn't have to be this way ,
just to barely survive day to day .
Given a choice I won't be the voice
of innocence lost to your tryst .
I'd be your last breath so , " Cry havoc ",
five fingers come together as a fist .
The rain makes the ground appear celestial ,
the flower that blooms in adversity ,
I am alive and beautiful
and free .

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It is up to me
to search and find my identity.
To poke around the crevases;
to wade through the insanity.

It is up to me
to fight for my right to be free.
To heal the wounds from their misdeeds;
the scars left from their irresponsibility.
.

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i live life on cruise control
while i search for my lost soul
wrenched out by others at
less than a year old

i live life on cruise control
always being in a role
played so well for so long
and now it is getting old

i live life on cruise control
never really being whole
the mind must learn to feel
before i get too old

I live life on cruise control
time to heal is the goal
but who can see enough to hear
all the hurts of ages old
-max

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Dense weight
crowding my head;
stiff echos
drift through the thickness,
lost in the depths of my mind.

A sense of emptiness
where there is so much fullness;
blank windows on an overflowing house.

Blackness blanketing the realities;
nightmares shadowing the present.
Open my eyes to memories
flashing from the past.

I need a dagger
to cut through this haze.
Keep searching for the words
that will slice through the
burdening emotions.

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Reflections of another year.
People come and people go.
Some you can count upon,
Others you can not.
To share your trust, you must know;
To let one in, you have to listen to your heart.
Sometimes opening your heart hurts,
But the rewards of finding authentic love is worth it.
The question is, how long does it take
to believe it is unconditional, authentic love?
As long as it takes to have faith and believe.

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I open my weary eyes and find myself standing at the mouth of a long and winding road. To where does this road go? I do not know. I was delivered here; dropped, perhaps abandoned here to find my own way out-to what I hope is freedom and peace.
As I begin my arduous journey, I notice/sense a darkness settling around me. Sadness and fear envelope me in their trembling clutches. I am submerged in a world of isolation. A chill sinks to the bone. The ringing in my ears from the desolate silence is driving me to the brink of madness. I fear my only escape is to stumble ahead blindly-all the while apprehensive of what savage memories may lurk around each contorted bend in the road.
Going back is not an option. I have been there and am lucky to have survived. I will trudge on looking for that glimmer of hope, which just may be around the next twist in this long and winding road.

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You lost me at 'what's up'
My senses closed tight shut
My body became a betraying robot
When you lost me at 'what's up'.

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Please don't ask me to stop writing.
Writing is my way to let the poison flow;
to express the darkness that has filled my core-frozen my will for too many years.
Writing allows me to tell of the demons that have held my tongue silent;
holding the secrets they fight to keep deep in the shadows for no one to discover.
Please don't ask me to stop writing.
Writing is helping me to find my voice; helping me to speak out against the pain.
Writing fills me with hope;
helps me to believe there is a way to fight against the torture of the memories that haunt my every existing minute.
Please don't ask me to stop writing.
Writing tells my story when I am unable to use my voice;
when my tongue is paralyzed with fear to speak the unbearable truths.
Writing prepares me for when I am able to scream out the pain;
gives me the words to tell the truth of the wrongs I have survived.
Please just ask me to be careful when I am writing.
To be aware of the demons taking over the pen;
taking over my strength to fight against their powers.
To be aware of the need to stay in the present
while I express the pain of the past.
Please just ask me to be careful when I am writing.
To watch for the signs of negative voices;
voices pulling me back into the dark.
To watch for fear and pain too deep
to be expressed all to once.
Please just ask me to be careful when I am writing.
To be sure I take care of myself while I am expressing;
to make sure to have support for my flooding pain.
To write with power and control;
with confidence and safety surrounding my soul.
My writing is like finding my breath;
finding my will to fight.
My writing is my way to battle against the suffocation
of all the horrors lurking in my heart;
The way to save my soul.
If you must still ask me to stop writing,
please help me to understand why.
Please help me to find a way to continue to breathe.

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