A trauma is a loss, whether a real loss or a threatened one...All of our losses produce pain or unhappiness: we call this train of feelings...the grieving process. When we allow ourselves to feel these painful feelings, and when we share the grief with safe and supportive others, we are able to complete our grief work and thus be free of it.
To complete our grief work takes time. The bigger the loss, the longer the time generally required. For a minor loss we may complete most of the grieving in a few hours, days, or weeks. For a moderate loss this work may require months to a year or longer. And for a major loss [like suffering childhood sexual abuse] the time required for the healthy completion of grieving is usually from two to four years [varies for every individual and can depend upon whether one has professional support or one goes the journey alone].
Dangers of Unresolved Grief: Unresolved grief festers like a deep wound covered by scar tissue, a pocket of vulnerability ever ready to break out anew. When we experience a loss or trauma, it stirs up energy within us that needs to be discharged. When we do not discharge this energy, the stress builds up to a state of chronic distress. With no release this chronic distress is stored within us as discomfort or tension that may at first be difficult for us to recognize. We may feel it or experience it through a wide range of manifestations, such as chronic anxiety, tension, fear or nervousness, anger or resentment, sadness, emptiness, unfulfillment, confusion, guilt, shame, or as is common among many who grew up in a troubled family, as a feeling of numbness. These feelings may come and go in the same person. There may also be difficulty sleeping, aches, pains, and other somatic complaints, and full blown mental, emotional, or physical illness may result. In short, we pay a price when we do not grieve in a complete and healthy way.
Source: "Healing the Child Within" Charles L. Whitfield

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